There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
