i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
