i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
