pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
