During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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