I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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