Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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