I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
