I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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