You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this just has baby written all over it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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