When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
