i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
