I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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