he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
