We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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