Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
