I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
