Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
