the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
