I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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