yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
