i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
