shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
