apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
