My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
