the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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