If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
