dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
