Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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