I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
