I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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