i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
