Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
