Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
