My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
