Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
