I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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