i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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