I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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