this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
