Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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