The maid of honor just puked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
