i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
