Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
