your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
tell me about the eggs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
