I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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