i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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