I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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