You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
