Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
