i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
