he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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