I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
