well I can't set my house on fire every night
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
