My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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