I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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