you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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