life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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