I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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