party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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