Three words: puerto rican gang bang
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I deserve this hangover.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
