You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
