1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
