3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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