Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
