she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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