it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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