why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
