No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I think your dad took our porno
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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