Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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