I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
