god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
