Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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